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It turns out that people that are insecure but romantically successful manage to channel their nervous tics into behaviors that are linked with other, more attractive qualities.
A nervous talker can come across as a brilliant conversationalist, and eagerness to please is easily interpreted as niceness.
Everyone in the dating game spends untold time, money, and emotional energy trying to find a nice person to chill with on the couch while you both actually watch Netflix — but somehow, most of us still feel like we're striking out constantly. That means thousands and thousands of study subjects have made all kinds of dating mistakes so that you and I don't have to.
Luckily, because of the ubiquity of dating (and researchers' enduring fondness for studying all varieties of mating dances), we have a huge bounty of research to draw on.
A 2010 study with possibly the most resonant title of all time — "Adult attachment and dating strategies: How do insecure people attract mates?
" — researchers asked a question that's been haunting daters since probably forever: If self-assuredness is an attractive quality, how do insecure people date successfully?
Couples psychologist Peter Pearson told Tech Insider that the best way for singletons to figure out what they want is to "date as much as they can manage or tolerate." Why?
Because you can't actually figure out what works for you (and what doesn't) until you meet people with a variety of traits and see what it's like to hang with them.
Women, it turned out, were more selective about who they said they'd clicked with — but the men they did feel a connection with used appreciative ("That's awesome") and sympathetic ("That must be tough") language.
What can you absolutely not stand — nail-biting, sarcasm, chronic lateness?
— and what do you absolutely need for your relationships to work — a sense of humor, cooking skills, an appreciation for '90s cinema? Obviously, no one likes to hang out with a wet blanket, so "be fun" may not sound like totally revolutionary dating advice.
These studies, surveys, and experts can help us all figure out what works — and maybe even up our chances.
With the caveats that some of these findings are difficult to generalize and none of this advice will help you meet your soulmate tomorrow, here are seven science-backed dating tips.
A meta-analysis in the journal Evidence Based Medicine from Queen Mary University of London found that successful online dating profile photos included not just selfies, but group photos.